After a long, Covid-enforced break, Dr Sigmund Freud (SF) has resumed his interviews with world leaders. He met recently with Prime Minister Albanese (AA).

SF: Are you disappointed with the sharp criticism of the nuclear-powered submarine deal youve signed up to under thehow you say itORCAS deal?

AA: (laughs gently, spells)

A-UK-US. A for Australia, UK for United Kingdom, US, well that hardly needs spelling out does it? When I put it like that, though, it does seem a teensy bit unfair that our two partners in helping keep the world safe from those who mostly have to speak English through interpreters each get an extra letter.

SF: Maybe that reflects your junior standing

AA: (interrupting)

Now just a moment Sig. You dont mind if I call you that, do you? This is a partnership of absolute equals. You tell me how many rich and powerful countries would allow their camp followers to pay them vast sums of money, eyewatering is the favourite description but thats a gross understatement, for something that might or might not arrive well, you know um, sort of down the track.

SF: But isnt that just the problem

AA: (interrupting again)

Its all about trust. We trust something will happen eventually but only a higher authority and the Pentagon knows what and when.

SF: How can you even be certain that by the time the subs eventually arrive the oceans havent evaporated because of global warming?

AA: Now youre just being plain silly. Therell always be a puddle somewhere we can play in. Anyway, even if the oceans do dry up weve got special camouflage nets. Free of charge, part of the deal, how about that! Our subs will never be sitting ducks, theyre too big for a start.

SF: White elephants then?

AA: (passing over a photograph).

See for yourself, theyre gunmetal grey!

SF: But think of the difference all that money could make to things like health and education that Australians are crying out for.

AA: Whats the point of being fit and educated if you have to live in constant fear of those who mostly have to speak English through interpreters.

SF: So, youre sure the subs will deter China?

AA: What Im sure of is this. One day the phone will ring and a cheery voice will say: Hey Albo, the first ones finally arrived, why dont you come down to the dock and well take it for a spin, Ill get a car to your nursing home asap.

And Ill put on my best dressing gown, look in the mirror, and proudly say to myself: how many other boys who lived in social housing in Camperdown with their single Mum left a legacy like this? One thatll endure for millions of years.

SF: My goodness, the subs will last that long?

AA: Course they wont, but the radioactive nuclear waste will.