Dr Edmund Freud of the European Centre for Political Pathologies recently completed a secret in-depth review of world leaders for the United Nations Security Council. His reports on President Emmanuel Macron and Prime Minister Keir Starmer are now public, thanks to hackers, believed to be Russian, who have posted the findings on Tik-tok.

Downing Street has dismissed the claims as Russian disinformation, but the clinical profiles seem accurate according to sources in Washington, Paris and London who spoke on condition of anonymity. Dr Freud has been uncontactable since the leaks. The Palais de l’lyse has warned that the Tik-Tok dsinformation scandaleuse is so serious that the next French presidential elections may have to be postponed indefinitely in order to preserve democracy.

Key findings on the two leaders include:

Separation anxiety and fear of abandonment

Both see Donald Trump as a powerful father figure who should be protecting them but isnt. Keirs initial response was to hug and cuddle up to the father figure in an embarrassing public display in Washington last week; Emmanuel has taken to throwing the toys out of the pram.

Folie deux

The two leaders jointly suffer from a rare condition, Folie deux (Madness for Two), in which delusional ideas are transmitted between subjects. These include the following:

Man-baby Syndrome

This is classic Freudian (Sigmund, not Edmund) regression. Faced with an overwhelming challenge (uncertainty about Americas commitment to them) the pair compensate with an exaggerated sense of self-importance and powerful agency when the reality is, tantrums aside, they are impotent.

Freuds case notes point to the recent defiance of the father figure (Trump) and claims that they can replace their uncle Sam and stand on their own two feet. This, Freud says, is a classic case of Infantile Grandiosity as the two can barely walk, let alone run.

Dependency

Observations of the two leaders show a compulsive need to hug other leaders. In a kind of mass hysteria, this constant need for positive physical reinforcement is reaching almost contagion levels amongst Western elites, breaking with centuries of decorum associated with behavioural normalcy in apex leadership. They must be encouraged to form normal relationships with other leaders.

Scapegoating and bullying

The hugging is a short sugar-hit that comforts but, like sugar, it can lead to excitability and poor impulse control. Feelings of inadequacy and fear of the power of bigger boys have driven the pair to shocking name-calling and other disruptive behaviour. Both use almost identical language when self-monitoring breaks down: I hate you, Putin! I hate you! Im never going to talk to you again. Ever, ever, ever!

Helping them understand the importance of compromise, learning to eventually see that complex situations and European family dynamics are neither black nor white, will attenuate this anti-social behaviour. Alternatively, it may be safer to remove them and give them time alone for self-reflection. Rejection at the ballot box, however, could lead to psychosis, as seen in Romanias cancelled presidential election in December. Democratic straitjackets and other parental controls may be required.

Oedipus Complex

Particularly in the case of Macron, we may be witnessing recurrent Oedipal outbursts. Putin is another father, the hated father, with whom Emmanuel must vie for the attention of the mother/wife. The father figure becomes Darth Vader, the dark father (die dunkle Vaterfigur/der dunkle Vater) who must be slain. Like Sophocles blinded Oedipus, Emmanuel must be helped, by cruel experience, if necessary, to embark on the slow and painful journey to understand to literally see his limitations and to realise that violence is not the answer to all of lifes problems.

Keir and the need to seem interesting

The British Prime Minister seems to be responding to an inner voice, an inner critic, that tells him he is worthless, empty, a fake who lacks a real personality. Youre not exactly a Churchill, are you, Keir?, this Voice of Judgment whispers in his ear.

This has led to dramatic acting out to fantasies about being a great war leader who saves his nation. Reading will help. Im OK, youre Ok, Dont sweat the small stuff, War and Peace for Dummies, How to win friends and influence people without missiles and other books may help build genuine self-belief.

Narcissism and the failure to empathise with others

Keir and Emanuels obsessive-compulsive militarism has led them to spend more and more on war toys and not think of the needs and feelings of those closest to them. Keir, for example, comes from a loving Labour family with a long tradition of sharing and supporting all members of the group to have the basics of life (education, health services, benefits); yet Keir has even cut the heating in his grandparents home so he can spend more on war toys.

Dr Freund recommends the two leaders do kindness training with former New Zealand Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and then, to test progress, all three should travel to Palestine to show loving kindness to the Palestinian people, and kneel before Gazas children and beg forgiveness.

Republished from Solidarity, March 08, 2025