We’ll reward you for genocide
May 2, 2024
Israel: Hey Joe, just letting you know Hamas has retaliated to our decades long Occupation and repression and have broken through the prison gates and attacked Israelis. Go figure.
US.: Here’s your chance. It’s going to be a tough media manipulation, but we’ll do our best. Good luck.
Israel: We’re going to bomb the shit out of Gaza from top to bottom.
U.S.: Okay we’ll reward you from start to finish with ammunition, money, vocal support and all the aid you need.
Israel: We’re going to target civilians and say Hamas is hiding behind them.
U.S.: Okay we’ll repeat that Hamas is a terrorist organisation even though democratically elected by Gazans.
Israel: We’re going to halt all aid for the Palestinians we’ve already terrorised.
U.S.: Okay we’ll repeat the lies about UNWRA.
Israel: We’ve already murdered over 34,000 people but can you keep the world off our backs so we can complete our objectives?
U.S.: Okay, but you owe us, Bibi.
Israel: Can you stop them calling it a genocide, cos it makes us look bad. You know…history and all that.
U.S.: We’ll do our best, but they’re already calling me Genocide Joe because of U.S. unyielding support. It’s a tough spin.
Israel: We’re going to let thousands of children die of starvation.
U.S: Okay we’ll lament the difficulty of aid trucks getting through so you don’t look so heartless and cruel.
Israel: Can you send more weapons please?
U.S.: Okay. How’s this…we sent bombs and food on the same day! Bombing and feeding the Palestinians in one shipment. Crazy huh?
Israel: We’re going to let babies be taken from dead women’s wombs and children have amputations without anaesthetic while entire families are obliterated with our bombing campaign.
U.S.: Okay, I guess there must be thousands of orphans by now? Oh well….that’s war.
Israel: We’re going to try to eradicate all Palestinians from both Gaza and the West Bank, but we need your continued help as we destabilise the entire region (world?) once we achieve our final aim.
U.S.: Done.
Israel: By the way, we’re going to the Olympics because our youth love sport.
U.S.: Good luck, hope some of team Israel achieve gold.
Russia: We’re going to invade Ukraine.
US.: We’re going to sanction you, demonise you in the media, freeze Russian assets, halt all trade and get a message to Zelensky that he is not to accept any peace deal from Putin. We’ve got the Military Industrial Complex to support and this war is making us a motza.
Reb Halabi
Reb Halabi focuses on the intersection of religion and geopolitics.
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